Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
