I wanna passion pit in your ass
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
