cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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