He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize