I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
The Internet Is Obsessed With This Stripper Who Dropped It Low Just To Eat A Slice Of Pizza
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney