k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
