i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
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You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
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When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex