all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
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HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
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You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"