seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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