just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
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