I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
