Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
Randomize
