I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
