I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
