How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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