In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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