I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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