so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
It's shark week go big or go home
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
