How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
