I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
