I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
Randomize