I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
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