god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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