Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize