All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
