are you so shy because you have an std?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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