Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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