we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
