i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Randomize
