First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize