I will die if light touches me.
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
They have beer where we have blood.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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