I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
