If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
