I can't watch pbs sober anymore
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
