Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
