I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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