It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
