when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
