Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Randomize
