We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize