So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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