Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
