Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
