i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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