why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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