Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
Dignity is for republicans.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize