So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Who did Billy Mays play for?
lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
