What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
