i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
