I just made out with a guy for $7.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
