I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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