There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize