its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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