In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
