my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize