called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
