Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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