i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
