gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
