I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
