Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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