i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
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